Epic Metal and Pansy Love Songs

(Tape 2- Fall/Winter 2000)


We had managed to fill a tape up with a few songs, so the recording resumed with Tape 2. With a whole empty tape available to us, we thought it would be fun to record an epic metal song in the style of the Melvins: slow, grungy and 12 minutes long. We started the recording as we normally would, but about a minute into it Alex's roommate told us to turn it the fuck down (to paraphrase), and so "Epic Metal" was cancelled. We did try again a few days later, but the song turned into a tag-team guitar approach. I started, passed the guitar to Alex, who then passed to Freezie. We filmed this process I think, but I haven't seen the footage in years. Anyway, its really boring, and unlistenable, so I won't bother posting it here.

With the "Epic Metal" song dead, we moved on to what would become our last collaboration with "Stubtoe", a little song called "Bomis 1, Reality 0".

Song Profile: "Bomis 1, Reality 0"


I remember wanting to write a song about jerking off and had talked at length with Freezie (Stubtoe) about it. We had traded weird websites back and forth for a while but I don't think we had high speed internet right away when we moved so there was very little porno going on. Eventually we got DSL and Cholick hooked up the router and all that just so he could play Everquest endlessly and that meant porno was back. In the end Freezie stole my idea and wrote "Bomis" and when you read the lyrics they sum up his personality perfectly. I doubt we will ever use the words "rapture" or "shaman" in a song, ever. And this was around the same time we found out Freezie was in some poetry book with a poem about jazz. It had a line like "Be man, just be" or something like that. No offense to him because he was a smart kid, but white middle class kids who are totally into jazz and the beat scene are retarded. He mixed with Vomit Sauce like ketchup and ice cream. But I loved this riff and felt like it got wasted on this song. We've tried to write new words but I can't seem to escape from Freezie's melody so the riff is dead. RIP riff, rest in peace.  


I've always been pretty proud of the riff I wrote for this one (as simple as it is). I've refined it a bit, but as Alex says, its impossible to get rid of the old melody. My biggest regret with the recording is the over-use of tremolo at the beginning, oh and the lyric: "Missed what I pasted"? What the hell does that mean?

Anyway, this was the first time Alex used a harmonica in a Vomit Sauce song, with a couple of nice little solos in the key of "C" towards the beginning. Now that I think about it, this is really the only Vomit Sauce song that all three original members performed on. I think this was by far the best song we had, so it was kind of too bad when Freezie left, but it was neccessary. Alex's songs got a lot better without Freezie there to steer them into hipster hell.

Words and Vocals: Freezie
Guitar: Andy
Harmonica: Alex


Two hours ago I came to your place
There were so many things to see and do
For those two hours, I was in rapture
Many feelings sent from me to you

Bomis, you've got the nicest site
Boys in the morning and girls at night
Yours begets me every time
You're over 18 and its no crime

You're so special
I cry when I leave
I'm spent, I'm tired
Just simply wasted
One night I stayed till a quarter to four
I got really tired, and missed what I pasted

Bomis, a site with tons of porn
In you all my hopes are born
A nightly visit is oh so common
To me, Bomis, you are my shaman.

Around this time we started thinking about making a little CD with our first few songs on it to give away over the internet, or to friends, or to *sigh*, never mind. Alex wanted to include a message on the CD for anyone dumb enough to get their hands on it. We tried multiple takes, but Alex never got a finished version. The little that's still on the tape is pretty funny though. Its pretty much just Alex and Freezie bantering back and forth ( you can hear me doing my grandma impression in the background a couple of times. I really wanted a Pearson Nut Roll I guess).

"What is Vomit Sauce" (a message to the fans)

At about this point Freezie ended his involvement with Vomit Sauce. I don't remember exactly why, but it must have had something to do with self respect or not wanting to commit social suicide. Either that or he wanted to write poetry or something. Alex and I soldiered on with another rocking song, D.A.R.E.

Song Profile: D.A.R.E. (Drugs Are Rad, Eh?)

This is definitely Nancy Reagan's favorite. A generally awful song, ripping off the melody from Frere Jacque. The last minute is the feedback produced by me spelling out the word "satan" with my guitar. This was really the last song we did in the "whatever is evil is good" motif. We really focused more on zombies and pathetic love songs about masturbation after this.


This song is stupid. Not sure why we wrote it. I think Andy's feedback at the end is way too long. The best part is robot effect on "Viagra". 

Lyrics and Vocals: Alex
Guitar: Andy


Take Drugs! (x4)

Take drugs they are really rad
Take drugs you will be glad
Take some crack and break your momma's back and
Take some speed and do a good deed

Banana Peels, Nutmeg, Oregano, Heroin, weed, and VIAGRA!
LSD, crank, meth, and PCP,
I love drugs and they love ME!


After we recorded "D.A.R.E.", Vomit Sauce took a bit of a stylistic U-turn. The electric guitar was thrown out in favor of strictly acoustic songs, probably just so we wouldn't have to move the equipment around. It was the dead of winter by this point, and depression was the prevalent mood. We were listening to a lot of Eels, especially stuff off of "Daises of the Galaxy", and a lot of old acoustic Beck. For the rest of the winter and spring of 2001 Alex's songs became much more folky, and pathetic in a sick sort of way.


Also, I think it needs to be noted that we switched to acoustic guitars for a few reasons. For one, Carlus hated us playing in the house and the acoustic was much quieter. Secondly, I don't think I even owned a guitar and I was getting confident with my song writing and wanted to write new stuff. I can't remember but I think it was around this time I bought my $100 acoustic from Mars before they closed with Andy. It was a decent guitar for a hundred bucks but it had like 6 dead frets after a few months and eventually my crazy old girlfriend Lindsay dropped it and broke the nut off the top end. I rebuilt it with a few replacement parts but it's all fucked now. It still has a home in my basement and the strings haven't been changed since I lived in NYC.  

Song Profile: "Thanks George"

The first song from Alex's folky period. I was trying to teach Alex the classic major-to-relative minor chord progression from 50's pop songs, and Alex took those two chords (C and a-minor) and made a song about the master of zombie movies: George Romero. Some of the old takes were hilarious.


Ok, I really like the lyrics in this song to this day. I think it's got some great rhymes to it and I still think it's funny. The end about birth canals, I have no idea where that came from. 

Lyrics, vocals, and guitar: Alex


I love you George Romero
I'll suck out your bone marrow
If you take a trip, riding on a train
then if I was zombie then I'd want to eat your brains
I-hi lu-uve you-who (x2)

You wrote one hell of a film
and if you were a pot I'd fire you in a kiln
I want to marry you
When you're dead I'll bury you

You'll come back from the grave and
You'll be a zombie and flesh you will crave and
I want to marry you

I want to be so worthless
I want to birth-canal
You heard what I said
I did not stutter.


The girlfriend factor is always an issue when it comes to what I'm writing. If I think back hard and read through the lyrics I can remember why I wrote them and who they were about. To any of you old exes who may read this (unlikely) I'm sure you all harbor much contempt for me, but realize that it's been almost six years since then, so get over it. Even if I dumped you on Valentines Day because you freaked me out with how you decorated my room, I told you in an intimate moment I "friend" loved you (and apparently I smell like a best friend who killed himself), or I was slightly unfaithful while you were in the hospital I hope its all water under the bridge now.

Song Profile: "Lonely as can Be"

One of our favorites. From Alex's Pansy love song period. Just Alex and his guitar singing about masturbation. I'm not sure which ex this one is about.


Vomit Sauce for me has been a series of plateaus. There are certain songs that stand out as a huge jump in our style, talent, and song writing ability. MPOD was a fluke of sorts. I like the song but it drags a little and I don't listen to it very often (Andy has a sweet solo in it though).

This was a song that I was really proud of. It was right around the time between Neillie, Shelby, and Annette. It wasn't that I was really spending all that time spanking it, but I wrote it about someone lonely we knew at the time (and it may have been Fliss but I think it was one of Sarah's friends). What made it so important to me was that the guitar and melody were simple but catchy. I know a song is good when I hear some one singing it and not realizing it. Neillie and I were hanging out and I remember her laughing and singing "Tee-Hee-Hee-Hee-Hee" all afternoon because it got stuck in her head. That was a big deal for me and still is. When I catch people at work humming "Douche Machine" or "Punch List" I feel validated. To me that means Vomit Sauce has violated your brain and tainted you just a little.  

Lyrics, vocals, and guitar: Alex


When you broke my heart yesterday, and left me all alone
I ran right inside and grabbed some porn and stroked my bone
I wish I was a woman then life would be great
But I'm a lonely man and its time to masturbate

Why won't you love me?
Lonely as can be!
I sit down when I pee,
Tee hee hee hee hee!
Why did you leave me?
Jerk off to your memory

There's a few videos that remind me of you
First there's "Eager Beavers" and "Sluts lapping spew"
Then there's "Ass Reamers 4" and "Lesbian Troglodytes"
of course there's my favorite film called"Felching You All Night"

It's so sad without you dear,
My life is so lame
One more night without you dear,
And I'm going to blow out my brain

Why won't you love me?
Lonely as can be!
I sit down when I pee,
Tee hee hee hee hee!
Why did you leave me?
Jerk off to your memory

Billy, Age 6: The original Vomit Sauce art

I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce you all to our first fan: Billy, age 6. When we first started the V-sauce, Alex would draw band art using good ol' microsoft paint, which he would sign with the Billy pseudonym to reflect its apparent juvenile tendencies and hatred of Billy's father who was a douche bag to the extreme. Click on the images below for full size versions to show off to your friends and co-workers.


Next: The fun continues with Tape 3!




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